Nurture Shock: Chapter 7 – The Science of Teen Rebellion Part 1

Although this chapter doesn’t really relate to me now, it was still a very interesting read.  It is also good preparation for me when my boys eventually become teenagers – although I often wish that they never grow up.  What can I say?  I’m enjoying them too much at this cute and adorable age.

All my life, my biggest fear of being a parent was the part when I’d have to deal with a teenager.  I’ve seen kids go wrong and doing all the things every parent has nightmares about and I wonder what any parent can do to keep a teenager on the straight and narrow.  Although I’ve never caused my parents any grief while I was a teenager, I do realise it is because I was lucky to have friends who were generally pretty well behaved.  What if I had met the wrong crowd?  Things might not have gone so well.

Now that I am a parent, what can I do to help my children stay out of trouble?  That was what I hoped to find out from reading Chapter 7 from Nurture Shock – The Science of Teenage Rebellion.  I’m afraid the scientific findings were none too comforting…

One of the general beliefs is that if you keep a teenager busy enough, they won’t have time to get into trouble.  It is often thought that adolescents turn to sex and drinking because they are bored.  A study on teenagers revealed that:

• teenagers lie a lot more than parents would like to think.
• teenagers mostly lie about drinking, drug use and their sex lives.
• teenagers don’t like emotional intrusiveness, e.g. “How serious is this relationship?”
• teenagers concoct outright lies 1/4 of the time to cover up the worst stuff.
• teenagers half the time they withhold information they know would upset their parents.
• the remaining 1/4 of the time they avoid the topic and hope their parents won’t bring them up.
• 96% of the teenagers surveyed reported lying to their parents.
• even honours students and busy, overscheduled teenagers lie – no teenager is too busy to lie about something.
• the most common reason for lying was to protect their relationship with their parents – many teenagers wanted to avoid disappointing their parents.

A study on parents found that:

• many parents believed that the best way to remain informed is to be more permissive.
• parents feared being too strict might lead to outright rebellion.

The reality was:

• parents who were more permissive and failed to set rules did not learn more about their children’s lives.
• teenagers who go wild are the ones who have permissive parents who don’t set rules.
• lack of rules communicates to the teenagers that their parents don’t really care about them.
• pushing a teenager into outright rebellion by having too many rules is a myth.
• teenagers dislike seeking help from parents because it is an admission that they are not mature enough to handle things on their own.
• teenagers need to have certain things in their lives that are “none of your business”.
• the objection to parental authority peaks at 14-15, not at 18 as is most commonly thought, and resistance is stronger at 11 than it is at 18.
• oppressive parents with lots of psychological intrusion had the most obedient teenagers, however, those teenagers were also depressed.

Part 2

Related:

• Nurture Shock – A Summary