I used to talk about wanting to homeschool Gavin but never ended up going that way partially because I was vetoed by hubby, partially because I was afraid I wouldn’t do a good job at it, and partially because I was told it was illegal here and only special circumstances were accepted. I supposed if I had been really serious about it, I would have looked for a way around.
Since sending Gavin to school, I have realised that there is one particular benefit about homeschooling that I feel I have lose control of…
Having been Gavin’s primary caregiver since he was born, I’ve always felt I know Gavin better than anyone else. I knew best how to handle him whatever the crisis. But when Gavin started going to Kinderland late last year, I felt a huge disconnect in our relationship. He started changing and growing up so fast that I couldn’t keep up – I couldn’t fill in all the gaps between what he had been before school and the boy that came home from school. Suddenly, there were so many things about Gavin that I didn’t know about but could only guess at. Things would happen at school and despite Gavin’s advanced communication skills, I only had the teacher’s account of what happened to go by. I felt like I had a blind spot in my son’s life.
I supposed this is something that is inevitable. As my sons grow older, that blind spot will just get larger and I have to accept that. I can only hope that I have raised my son well enough for him to make the right decisions and to know when to come to me when he needs help. I’m sure I’m revealing myself to be an over-controlling mother who’s got her boy tied to her apron strings. I keep telling myself that Gavin is only three years old so it’s okay. I’m sure I won’t be like this when he’s eighteen – or will I?