From the Heguru Handbook.
Psychologist Alfred Adler performed a number of studies which revealed that the reason why children misbehave is because they are experiencing “their lost sense of self-belonging” and an inability to “exhibit courage”. Children want their existence to be respected and recognised.
These are the 4 stages of action that children take when they lose their sense of self-belonging:
- Unaware of their actions, they will appeal to their parents and teachers to be more concerned of their well being. (When the children do not get their parents’ attention by getting a good evaluation, they will try to attract their parents with bad evaluation. These children are deliberately trouble makers.)
- The children will show off their abilities and challenge the leadership fo their parents and teachers. (Unaware of his/her behaviour, the child will act in a difficult manner to acquire his/her sense of self-belonging.)
- They plan for revenge. For example, through acts of misconduct, or suicide. These are methods of revenge against parents or teachers.
- When a child gets tired of plotting for “revenge”, he/she will adopt behaviour that lacks vigour or vitality.
When a child reaches stage 3 or 4, parents are no longer able to solve the problem and professional help is required. The number of children who have been driven to such situations have increased in recent years. Therefore it is important to respect and recognise the existence of our children no matter how busy we are. Only when we encourage children with positive language can we encourage them to fully utilise their natural abilities and possibilities.
Children and adults alike have similar needs – wanting to be loved and wanting to be recognised. We need to begin by respecting our children as human beings and encouraging them daily with words that bring joy and motivation.