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Tandem Nursing – Reasons for Not Weaning the Toddler

Although there was a lot of protest when I said I was going to tandem breastfeed my two boys, it was pretty much accepted and I went on to nurse Gavin even after Gareth was born. However, with Gavin’s declining behaviour in recent times, the discussion for me to wean Gavin has been revisited.

Here are some of the arguments why I should have weaned him:

If I had weaned him, he wouldn’t be so “sticky” to me right now
If I had weaned him, he wouldn’t be behaving so badly right now

Here are my thoughts on the matter:

Who’s to say that had I weaned him he wouldn’t be “sticky” to me right now? And who’s to say that weaning him would have had any effect on his current behaviour. For all we know, he could be even worse than he is right now. And if I had weaned him, he may have felt even more jealous of his brother’s nursing time. My friend who did not breastfeed her daughter also found her daughter to become more demanding and more “sticky” after she had her second child. Her daughter also displayed all the classical signs of sibling rivalry.

The fact is, our toddler’s world has turned upside-down when his baby brother was born. How can we not expect him to react to it?

Now here are the reasons why I am glad I am still nursing Gavin:

At night, when both boys stir in their sleep, all I have to do is nurse them simultaneously and the three of us can all go back to sleep. If Gavin had been weaned, I really don’t know how I would be able to nurse Gareth, carry Gavin, and sleep all at the same time. I noticed that in the days prior to the pregnancy, sometimes the only way to get Gavin back to sleep without breastfeeding was to carry him and walk.
Breast milk is a laxative and helps Gavin overcome some of the problems with constipation that has been plaguing him. We spoke to the doctor about Gavin’s constipation and she explained that it was a common problem for many toddlers because they are often too impatient to poop when they are supposed to and that causes the poop to get impacted in the bowels. Additionally, the longer the poop remains in the bowels, the more water gets reabsorped and the harder the poop becomes. Hard poop hurts and that causes toddlers to avoid the toilet even more which only serves to compound the problem. No wonder toddlers are constipated.
Breast milk is my ultimate reward that Gavin can never say “no” to. Okay, so this is probably not the sort of thing I should be doing, but hey, it’s effective. Whenever Gavin misbehaves, all I have to do is threatened to take away his nursing time and he immediately falls back into line. No other reward has the same effect as the promise of breastfeeding – not even chocolate, not even ice cream, not even the toy shop, although potentially the bookshop but we aren’t about to reward him with a trip to the bookshop in the middle of the night. Given how difficult Gavin can be right now, this is probably one of the easiest methods for getting his cooperation.

So please tell me again why I should wean him?

2nd Pregnancy – Week 18

by Shen-Li Lee Leave a Comment

Okay, nothing new here for me except some rather interesting developments from Gavin’s point of view…

As I mentioned earlier, I was going to continue nursing Gavin through the pregnancy unless he decided weaned himself and I have been. Well, I have continued nursing him and Gavin hasn’t shown any indication of wanting to wean. Although he has increased his intake of other fluids – most especially milk and water at night – he still asks for the breast straight after. Sometimes I am able to get him back to sleep without having to nurse him, other times, he still needs to suckle to get back to sleep. I’ll usually let him decide and follow his lead.

Recently, something happened and I haven’t quite figured out what to make of it. Gavin woke up in the middle of the night and I offered him milk. After drinking the milk, he seemed ready to fall back to sleep. Then, to my surprise, he started crying. His eyes were closed so I wasn’t sure if he was awake or asleep.

At this point, I think I should add that Gavin’s word for breast milk is “nen nen” – which is the Chinese word for breast milk.

Gavin continued crying and saying, “I don’t like nen nen, I don’t want nen nen any more.” He kept saying it over and over while crying. I tried to calm and said he didn’t have to have it if he didn’t want it, but he just kept crying. Finally, I took a different approach and asked if he wanted nen nen. To my surprise, he nodded. I offered him my breast and he fell asleep almost immediately after latching on.

Since then, there have been a second incident when Gavin told me quite specifically that he didn’t want nen nen any more. However, the strange thing is that he seems quite ambivalent about it. Although he insists he doesn’t want it, everything about his actions still indicates he wants it. And if I offer him my breast, he’ll take it.

Being new to this whole nursing during pregnancy experience and personally knowing only one other mother who has done this before me, I haven’t got much to go on regarding the whole psychology of how this is affecting Gavin. Clearly he seems upset by the changes in my milk production, but yet reluctant to give it nursing completely.

Although I know my milk production has decreased in quantity from the fact that Gavin gulps down milk in the middle of the night like a traveler drinking water in the Sahara desert, I think something else has changed recently. Very likely, my breasts have shifted from milk production to colostrum which is something that is supposed to happen around about the fifth month of pregnancy – or so I read somewhere. Perhaps that is what has been bothering Gavin?

During the first trimester, nursing Gavin was a little sensitive, but hardly what I would describe as within the realm of pain. Lately, however, nursing has begun to hurt a little more. Gavin also seems to be making a nasty habit of biting my nipple in his sleep. I suspect this frustration must be due to the lack of breast milk and the difficulty of extracting the colostrum.

I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with this information and what I can do to lessen the emotional disturbance it seems to be giving Gavin. I have asked him if he wants to stop nursing and he doesn’t. I don’t want to wean him because it seems he still really wants the comfort of nursing. I guess, we’ll just keep going and see what else develops.

In the meantime, if you’re a mother who has breastfed a toddler through your pregnancy, feel free to share your experiences in the comments below. I think I could do with some additional thoughts on the matter right about now. This isn’t exactly the sort of information that is easy to google.

Nursing While Pregnant – What are the Risks?

by Shen-Li Lee 4 Comments

Okay, I promised an update on this topic…

My reasons for continuing to nurse Gavin throughout the pregnancy and for tandem nursing (nursing an older child while nursing a baby):

allows Gavin to bond with me without taxing me too much (it’s definitely a lot less tiring to lie in bed and cuddle him than to chase him around the house and play whatever games he fancies)
helps Gavin to better transition the new arrival of a baby – being able to continue nursing helps him feel secure in his relationship with me rather than feeling that he has been displaced by the new baby which may cause resentment towards the baby

My concerns about continuing to nurse Gavin during the pregnancy:

the risk that the uterine contractions might lead to premature labour as highlighted by the doctor

KellyMom has always been a great source of information for nursing mothers, and this is what they have to say about the safety of nursing during pregnancy:

“Is it safe to nurse during pregnancy?
Yes, in most cases. At this time no medical study has been done on the safety of breastfeeding during pregnancy so it is impossible to list any definitive contraindications. If you are having a complicated pregnancy, such as lost weight, bleeding, or signs of preterm labor, you should problem-solve your individual situation with your caregiver.”

Regarding uterine contractions:

“Although uterine contractions are experienced during breastfeeding, they are a normal part of pregnancy. Similar contractions often occur during sexual intercourse, which many couples continue throughout pregnancy.”

During pregnancy, several things need to be noted:

there is less oxytocin produced during nipple stimulation
the uterus does not respond to oxytocin the way it does when the mother is at term
a lack of oxytocin receptor sites (uterine cells that detect the presence of oxytocin) in the uterus up until 38 weeks of pregnancy
lack of special proteins which “down regulate” the uterus so it remains insensitive even when there are a lot of oxytocin receptor sites present

So the uterus is very well protected during pregnancy and guards well against oxytocin that may be released during nursing.

What about miscarriage and preterm labor risks?

“A recent review of research on the pregnant uterus reveals that there is actually no theoretical basis for the common concern that breastfeeding can lead to miscarriage or preterm labor in healthy pregnancies. Instead the uterus has many safeguards preventing a strong reaction to the oxytocin that breastfeeding releases.”

What do the Experts have to say?

Lesley Regan, PhD, MD, who is the head of the Miscarriage Clinic at St. Mary’s Hospital in London, finds it surprising to hear issues related to miscarriage to be reasons for weaning. “Once a pregnancy is clinically detectable, breastfeeding should pose no added risk of pregnancy loss. There isn’t any data suggesting a link between breastfeeding and miscarriage, and I see no plausible reason for there to be a link.”

More information on the safety of breastfeeding during pregnancy.

I’ve also been reading the comments of mothers who have nursed throughout pregnancy and there appears to be no issue here. Some have even been high risk pregnancies and the mothers have managed to continue nursing throughout the pregnancy without consequence (although whether you should in such a case is really a matter between yourself and your obstetrician).

Will I continue to nurse Gavin throughout the pregnancy? Yes, I think I will (unless he chooses to wean or if I succumb to the pain of it).