Government and Law have suppressed the feminine in society and pushed people into left brain thinking. This is from the movie Esoteric Agenda a film by Ben Stewart.
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Most parents are aware that there are specific growth phases during which children are particularly rebellious. They are commonly referred to in parenting books as “The Terrible Threes” and the troublesome teenage years as children reach puberty. In the Heguru handbook, they make reference to three ages that are particularly trying for parents as their children enter a rebellious period – 3, 8, and 14 years old.
Heguru philosophy for handling children during these phases is particularly interesting. They liken these changes in children to the four seasons in a year. Although such changes are inevitable, there are methods for handling these rebellious periods that can facilitate the passage through these phases. In Heguru, they recommend the use of “open communication” and the use of “humour”.
During these growth processes, children will resist the teachings of their parents. Parents react to such rebelliousness by enforcing their authority believing that if they do no do so, they will lose parental control over their children. Heguru philosophy is that during these growth processes, parents should not take the words of their children seriously. Instead, communicate with them open-heartedly with a sense of humour and when your child smiles, you have won the game.
Just as children have periods of rebelliousness, there will also be periods of obedience. It is important for parents to apply stricter measures during these periods of obedience and to build character. Most parents, however, then to pamper their children during these periods which results in raising children who do not listen to instructions.
In other words, what parents need to do is reverse their methods of handling their children. During the periods of rebellion are when parents need to cut their children some slack, while during the periods of obedience, parents need to be more vigilant with the rules.
Realise that all children are inherently good. Children do not misbehave just for the sake of misbehaving. There is usually some underlying cause or reason for bad behaviour. As parents, it is important for us to discover the underlying motivation for such behaviours and to correct those. Address these underlying issues and the bad behaviour will correct itself. Reprimanding your child for the misbehaviour is like treating the symptoms without identifying the cause. If all you do is to treat the symptoms, inevitably, the bad behaviour will return.
For example, if a child shoplifts, simply scolding your child harshly to prevent such conduct can lead to a reverse effect on your child. It is important to identify the motivations for the behaviour. Children who shoplift usually do so due to feelings of loneliness or not feeling loved. Children who are mentally fulfilled are unlikely to get involved in illegal activities.
It is easy for parents to be misled by the misbehaviours of their children. Have faith in your child and believe in his “goodness”. If misbehaviours should arise, search for the true cause of those misbehaviours and correct it. Often children misbehaving are those who are most in need of kind attention. By searching for the hidden messages in your child’s behaviour, you will be able to understand your child’s heart. When your child feels understood, you will become his most trusted confidant and this trusting relationship will cement the bond between you and serve as a power source to be depended upon during times of difficulty in future.
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From the Heguru Parents’ Seminar.
The 5 minute suggestion is something I’ve always struggled to get right so I asked Ruiko Henmi for more advice on how to do it properly. What she suggested is pretty similar to the outline given in the Shichida 5 Minutes Suggestion, but there were a few things she added which might facilitate the whole process. The following is based on what I got out of the translated conversation (we were speaking through an interpreter) so I hope it is accurate.
When I wrote about the Shichida 5 Minute Suggestion, some parents said it was hard to catch their child within the first 5 minutes of sleep. If you do it too early, your child is still awake and will respond if you speak to him. If you do it too late, you miss the 5 minute window. Sometimes, you don’t even know the moment your child has fallen asleep so how do you know whether you are in the 5 minute window? And if you have a younger child to settle to sleep, by the time you get to your older child, you will have missed your 5 minute window.
According to Ruiko Henmi, you can do the 5 Minute Suggestion an hour after your child has fallen asleep. The aim of the 5 Minute Suggestion is to impart a message to your child subconsciously. To make sure your child absorbs that message, give no more than two instructions. The first instruction should be about the change you desire to bring about in your child – for example, if you want your child to focus and pay attention in class. The second instruction should be a general one about your child’s life – that things are going smoothly in your child’s life, he is happy and full of energy each day. Do the 5 Minute Suggestion three time a week and then change your message.
There are 4 steps to the 5 Minute Suggestion:
- Tell your child: “Now you are asleep but you can still hear my voice.”
- Stroke your child’s arm and tell him: “Daddy, Mummy and sensei love you very much.” Why sensei? Because you want your child to develop a strong bond with his teacher so he can learn well in class.
- Reinforce your bond: “Mummy and you want the same thing.”
- Give your instruction.
When giving your instruction, always phrase it positively. Avoid negative words like “don’t”. Avoid giving a demand. For example, if you want your child to focus and concentrate in class, reinforce that class is fun and enjoyable and that your child will do well. Don’t say something like: “You will sit down in class and pay attention to sensei.” Because it is like a command and your child will resist it.
Hopefully this will help you get better success with your 5 minute suggestions…